how to navigate Breast reconstruction as a Mother of young kids:
6 Tips
After my treatment, I explored reconstructive surgery options. Consulting six plastic surgeons and fellow survivors, I took my time to decide. Avoiding pressure, I kept my expander in for over a year. Remember, take your time, gather information, and choose what’s best for you.
Here are 6 essential tips to help you prepare for your journey:
Tips how to prepare for your Reconstruction
1. Know all of your options
Consider all your options for breast reconstruction after mastectomy. However, not all options may suit your case. The best reconstruction depends on several factors, such as your past surgeries, overall health, cancer stage, treatment needs, body shape, and personal preferences. Breast reconstruction often requires multiple surgeries to achieve satisfactory results. Understand your options and what to expect to have effective discussions with your plastic surgeon.
Generally, there are three types of reconstruction:
- implant-based
- own tissue-based,
- or a combination of both.
You may be able to have an immediate reconstruction at the same time as your mastectomy or delayed reconstruction weeks, months, or even years after your mastectomy. Knowing the advantages and disadvantages of the different types and timing of reconstruction will help you choose the best option for you. Having talked to many plastic surgeons, I created a guide that explores breast reconstruction options and timing. The guide reflects my experience and opinions and doesn’t replace the medical advice from your care team. Click the button below to learn more.
2. Empower Yourself:
Choose what’s best for you, regardless of others’ opinions. Here is how can empower yourself:
- The lack of specialized plastic surgeon (microsurgeon) locally shouldn’t discourage you from pursuing a flap procedure if that’s your best and preferred option.
- There are lots of centers that offer virtual consults and have a travel liaison team that will assist with travel planning. Know that several flap procedures exist, and you may not be a good candidate for one type of flap procedure, but you may be for another one.
- Test the surgeon’s expertise by asking how many of the surgeries that interest you performed.
- Consider going out of state or changing insurance to get the reconstruction you want. Read my Flap Reconstruction experience with the Center of Restorative Breast Surgery here.
- Even if you have already had a reconstruction and are not satisfied with it, I highly encourage you to consult with other plastic surgeons.
- Connect with other Survivors: They will be happy to share their experiences with their reconstruction.
- Always advocate for yourself!
MD Anderson has a great list of essential questions to ask your plastic surgeon. Click here to access the list.
3. Make a Decision
Making choices about breast reconstruction isn’t easy. It involves many important factors to consider such as medical requirements, as well as personal values and preferences. You can think about your own choices by answering the questions below.
You can also talk to your doctor about medical issues that could affect your options such as whether you can have breast reconstruction, if you will need additional cancer treatments that could delay it, and which reconstruction options are possible with your body size and shape.
You can also ask yourself questions like:
- How do I want to look and feel dressed and undressed? For that, it is invaluable to look at pictures, before-and-after photos of breast reconstructions using a variety of approaches.
- How long do I want or can I spend recovering from the surgery?
Listen to the steps I took that helped me make that difficult decision. I hope it will serve as an example for you to learn to listen and advocate for yourself.
The following tips are similar to the ones listed under “Surgery.” In an effort to be complete, I have listed them here again.
4. Organize care during your recovery
Depending on the reconstruction type you choose, your surgery and recovery will be lengthier. In general, with a flap procedure (reconstruction with your own tissue) your recovery time will be longer compared to an implant based reconstruction. Your recovery time will be the shortest with no reconstruction at all.
- Let people know what you are going through and ask help. You will surprised how people in your community will rally to help a family in need.
- CaringBridge and a Mealtrain are great tools to organize help during your recovery. You can easily ask for the kind of help you need on a certain day, whether it is a a ride, taking your kids to daycare or anything else.
- Plan for the worst and simply hope for the best!
KIDS: For younger kids, you’ll need practical help. Enroll preschoolers in full-time care if possible, or get help from friends and family. Check out my Resource section here to help with costs during intense treatment times.
For school-aged kids, arrange transportation to/from school and activities. Set up playdates outside your home to give yourself time to rest and keep normalcy for your kids.
HOUSEHOLD: You won’t be able to lift more than 5lbs for a while.
Ask friends, neighbors, or family to run errands and pick up groceries. Consider grocery deliveries. Have someone prepare meals or use a meal delivery service like Pink Ribbon Good , which provides free meals for cancer patients for up to 12 weeks.
Get help with cleaning or hire a cleaner if you can afford it. Organizations like Cleaning for a Reason. offer free cleaning services for cancer patients. Pink Ribbon Good also provides lightweight vacuums and cleaning products from Branch Basics.
YOURSELF: After surgery, you’ll need a caregiver to help with drains, showers, and washing your hair.
Everybody is different, but you will require the utmost care during the first two weeks after your mastectomy. The more complex your surgery, the longer you may need assistance. For my flap surgery, I required the most help during the first four weeks. If you want to read more about my Flap reconstruction surgery experience, click here.
4. Prepare for the Day of you Reconstruction Surgery
I only recommend products I personally used for my recovery. If you buy through my blog’s Amazon affiliate link, I may earn a commission at no extra cost to you.
- Prep your home before surgery
- Before surgery, move items within easy reach to stay independent. After surgery, you’ll have drains (duration depends on the type of reconstruction and your drain output) and can’t lift your arms overhead. Lower items from high shelves and test your setup, or ask your caregiver for help.
- You’ll need to sleep on your back with an elevated upper body to promote healing. Consider sleeping in a recliner or using a wedge pillow and additional pillows for comfort.
- After a Double Mastectomy wiping your bottom can be hard, consider getting a bidet or a bidet attachment.
- For the first few days after surgery you may feel weak. Consider getting a shower chair.
- Having a detachable showerhead handheld made showering a lot easier.
- Don’t forget to get a anti-slip mat for your shower.
- What to bring to the hospital
- Bring some easy slip on shoes
- soft easy slip on PJ or yoga pants
- a button down shirt and/or robe with drain pockets
- A mastectomy pillow for the car ride home, which I afterwards used a lot for arm support
- Useful products for your recovery
- You might find it difficult to move around freely, so choose clothes that you can step into easily. Get 2-3 soft front button-down tops, some comfortable button-down PJ’s and or robe that has drain pockets for your drains. It will make dressing and moving around a lot easier.
- To avoid dangling drains while showering, I also recommend a drain holder pouch to put your drains in.
- Depending on where you get your surgery, you may not be advised to take a full shower until after your drains are out. Some dry shampoo will be coming in handy.
- A portable inflatable rinse basin portable inflatable rinse basin can help you wash your hair over a sink.
- Have some lozenges on hand for a sore throat after surgery.
5. Tell your Children
As my reconstruction was delayed, we did not talk anymore about having the cancer out but rather about the doctor “giving Mommy a new boobie”. We made sure they understood that nothing is immediately life-threatening and that reconstruction has nothing to do with the actual cancer. Reconstruction will help Mommy look “normal” again.
- Short conversations and making some simple drawings will help kids process the information better.
- Playing with young children can help them express their feelings.
- Let them know that their routine may change, but that Mommy still loves them. For all of my children, it was important to understand that mommy may not be able to play catch or take them to the playground like we usually did, but that Mommy instead could read them more books or do some crafts with them.
- Involve their school/teachers, so they know what is going on with your child and can help them process their emotions. Find out if your school has a program to offer support for your children during that difficult time.
If you are having immediate reconstruction, then check out section 5 under Surgery and click here. Don’t forget to check the listed Resources here for some of my favorite children’s books and videos.
6. Go in with a positive mindset
- Reframe your thoughts by changing the way you perceive surgery. Instead of feeling mad, angry, or sad about undergoing another surgery, focus on how it will restore your femininity.
- Connect with other survivors. Knowing what to expect physically and emotionally can put you at ease.
- Mindfulness practices such as gratitude journaling, meditation, positive affirmations, and mantras can be very helpful.
- Consider reaching out to a therapist who can assist you in maintaining a positive mindset.
- Hypnotherapy can be a powerful tool to achieve this. Do not hesitate to contact DoCancer, who can connect you with an excellent therapist and/or hypnotherapist. Rehearsing my surgery during hypnosis aided me in preparing for my own Flap Reconstruction Surgery. Read more about my experience with reconstruction click here.
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